தமிழ் கலாச்சாரம் - tamilculture.ca

[KULAKADDAN]

 tamilculture.ca எனும் இணையம் இன்று தான் கண்ணில் தட்டுபட்டது. கனடாவில் வளர்ந்த தமிழ் இளையவர்களின் முயற்சி. கனேடிய (ஐக்கிய அமெரிக்க?)  தமிழ் மக்களின் பல்வெறு விடயங்களையும், கனடாவில் வளர்ந்த தமிழ் இளையவர்களின் பார்வையில் தருகிறது.

 

Why Tamil Parents Need to be Better Parents

Author: Gayathri Ganesan

 

What is a typical parent-child relationship in a Tamil household? As most of us have experienced, the type of parenting most commonly practiced by Tamil parents is authoritarian. This model of parenting does not help to build a bond between the parent and child.

 

The factor most affected by this mode of parenting is communication. Most communication takes place briefly and only when necessary. An open discussion is not allowed, and one has to be very careful about what he or she discusses at home.

 

This lack of communication fails to build a good relationship between parent and child, which leads to the parents’ view of their children as their property and the child’s view of their parents as simply their providers. This creates an almost permanent emotional distance between parent and child.

 

Tamil parents who practice authoritarian parenting do not realize that the more restrictions they apply, the more rebellious their children will turn out. Their children will be “doing the right thing” in front of their parents only out of fear of punishment, and not out of an ethical sense of right and wrong. Once they are out of their parents’ sight, they will do as they please. Not only do these children turn out to be rebellious, but their suppressed emotions turn them into angry and resentful individuals.

 

 

 

By contrast, children and teens who are brought up in a less harsh environment where there is open communication with parents are more likely to do the right thing. Rather than giving and receiving orders, this model of parenting allows for parents and children the chance to discuss the reasons for why something is wrong. This makes the child act based upon understanding instead of fear.

 

Growing up with many Tamil friends has given me the chance to witness this phenomenon over a long period of time. From what I have observed, Tamil parents who practice an authoritarian style of parenting go out of their way to make sure that their children stand out and do better than other children. And while this may be true among parents of every background, Tamil parents focus on this aspect more for the sake of their own pride than for the betterment of their child’s life.

 

Furthermore, there is always the “compare and compete” game. Many Tamil parents will compare their own child’s performance with that of their cousins or their friends’ children. If their child is lacking in some way, there is pressure for the child to do better not for their own betterment, but so that they can boast about their child to their friends and relatives.

 

 

 

Here is where the competition starts. Low performance is not looked upon as something related to the child and how a lack of success may affect the child’s future. Rather, it is looked at more as something related to the parents, where their child’s poor performance affects their pride. They believe that it makes them look ineffective as parents who cannot control their own property – their children – and cannot mould them the way they want.

 

Often, parenting in the Tamil community is more about how effective the parents appear to others and what others think, and not so much about their own child’s well-being. Thus, there needs to be a shift in Tamil parenting for the betterment of our children and for the betterment of our community.

 

http://tamilculture.ca/why-tamil-parents-need-to-be-better-parents/

 

It’s Time to Start Appreciating our Tamil Parents

Author: Mango

 

My parents were born and raised in Sri Lanka. In 1988, my dad moved to Canada and painstakingly worked to earn enough money to sponsor my mother who came in 1990. Like all Tamils, they immigrated to Canada in search of an opportunity to raise a happy family in peace.

 

My parents experienced struggles firsthand. Every day was a challenge, every night a journey. The problems they faced back home became a story they would tell me. “I walked 8 miles to go to school barefoot.” Like many other children in Tamil families, I could not truly understand the hardships they had gone through.

How could I? I was born in Canada. My friends were mostly white and English-speaking. Every day I had enough food on the table and at night I had a nice bed to sleep on. On my birthdays I would get cake and gifts. What I did not understand was that the stories they told me are the reason I am sitting where I am today. What they could not have foreseen was that escaping one struggle meant plunging into another.

This was a battle to live in this new land. It was as silent as can be. But it was evident in how many Tamils that immigrated struggled to find adequate jobs. Those that could find low-paying jobs that yielded very little income, and often required them to work seven days a week. Many educated Tamils did not fare much better as most could not find work suited to their qualifications. They too were reduced to working for a meager wage as security guards and as gas station attendants just to put food on the table. Despite all of this, there was a sense of relief as the threat of death did not hang over them ominously as it had back home. Here, they had a real chance to survive.

Many Tamil immigrants of our parent’s generation brought young children with them, or had children in Canada. It was for these children – us – that our parents toiled day after day. We grew up being pushed to study hard and become a doctor or an engineer. We aspired to be many things but often it felt like they had already planned out our life for us. We were nagged about everything from the clothes we wore to the way we ate. Sometimes even the kindest words would seem like a slight to our character, as if our ear permanently converted their words into unpleasant static. We used white people as a comparison for our family lives and yearned for a household devoid of conflict and pressure.

What our parents could not understand was that we were growing up in an entirely different environment. We did not always share the same views as them. They could not understand our Westernized views and it made us frustrated and angry with them. We wanted to stay out late, go to parties, watch movies and have people over. But many of us were denied these luxuries. We felt as if we were being cheated out of something important because our parents could not understand.

Yet behind every word of anger was love. Behind every beating was their fear that they may not be able to see us happy in their lifetime. We resented them for all of this as we did not see other people living like this. But our parents had gone through the worst and they knew what it was like to have nothing. They knew what it was like to feel empty inside and count each day as a blessing because death was always around the corner.

While they did not always vocalize their unhappiness, their pain echoed in the empty chambers of their hearts. To them, happiness would be to give us every reason to smile for every tick of every clock. Their experiences shaped them and in their own way, they tried to impart to us the struggles they went through.

Yet what Tamil parents and children failed to understand was each other. We grew up feeling suffocated and yearning for more freedom. Even when we understand our parents, this resentment will persist because when we look back on our lives all we see are missed opportunities. Sometimes we are blind to how much our parents truly did for us just as they are blind to how we felt growing up. Their methods were unorthodox and perhaps not always favourable. But they did it for us, their children.

Although I never had a great childhood, I had it a lot easier than my parents did. They fed me, clothed me and loved me. Despite my differences with them, I know that behind every action there was love. The story about walking 8 miles without shoes is not just a story. It’s my legacy. Every breath I take and every move I make will become part of that story. Do you know how our parents want that story to end? “I have given my children a life. I’ve made them happy.”

 

http://tamilculture.ca/its-time-to-start-appreciating-our-tamil-parents/

[கோமகன்]

புலத்து இளையவர்கள் தாய் மொழியை உள்வாங்கி அதை வளர்த்தெடுப்பது உண்மையிலேயே பாராட்டப் பட வேண்டிய விடையமே குளக்கட்டான் . பகிர்தலுக்கு மிக்க நன்றி .

[sOliyAn]

புலத்து இளையவர்கள் தாய் மொழியை உள்வாங்கி அதை வளர்த்தெடுப்பது உண்மையிலேயே பாராட்டப் பட வேண்டிய விடையமே குளக்கட்டான் . பகிர்தலுக்கு மிக்க நன்றி .

 

விலங்குகளும் பறவைகளும் தங்கள் தாய்மொழியை வளர்த்தெடுக்கும்போது... நாம் எமது மொழியை வளர்த்தெடுப்பது பாராட்டப்படாவிட்டாலும் பரவாயில்லை.. மழுங்கடிப்பது நிச்சயமாகக் கண்டிக்கப்பட வேண்டியது.